Q: This is a joke, right?
A: Here at Lady C, we try not to take ourselves too seriously. However, all of our products are fully functional and, indeed, for sale.
Q: Is this some kind of steampunk thing?
A: Egad! You noticed! We pride ourselves in designing the first steampunk adult novelty items available for purchase. While others have created steampunk novelties in the past, ours are the only ones that are functional, practical, and aesthetically pleasing.
Q: Wait, "steampunk"? What on Earth is that?
A: Steampunk is an aesthetic movement based on Victorian science fiction (Jules Verne, H.G. Wells, etc) that features steam power, clockwork, and similar technologies available from approximately 1837-1901. It is a retro-futuristic, neo-Victorian sensibility that strives for a DIY mentality and believes that items should be beautiful, as well as functional. Don't take anything we say too seriously. If it isn't fun, you're doing it wrong.
Q: Victorian's weren't sexy at all, though, were they? Didn't they hate sex?
A: Actually, the Victorians pretty much invented modern pornography, strap-ons, vibrators, and loads of other naughty things. In fact, the reason the can-can was so popular was because the dancers wore crotchless bloomers (how's that for scandalous?).
Q: Do your products actually work? I need some oomph in my raygun.
A: No weak vibes here. Lady Clankington, herself, has personally tested each design for quality control -- trust us, we do not sell anything that does not carry her seal of approval. Rest assured, she will not test any of the items you, yourself, purchase unless you really, really want her to do so (in which case, contact us and we'll talk).
Q: Do you make the raygun barrels, yourselves?
A: No. We buy high-quality pre-existing novelty items from other suppliers and modify them ourselves out of acrylic, right here in America.
Q: Why doesn't the trigger work?
A: We could make the trigger work but it would be so prohibitively expensive that even we couldn't afford it. Also, would you want gunk getting inside the mechanism and gumming up the works? Ick!
Q: I bet I could make a better raygun with a trigger that worked.
A: Please do! We'd love to see it.
Q: Why are your products so expensive?
A: Each piece is made entirely by hand and takes several days to complete. Also, they're a pain in the butt to put together. Each one is a labor of love. We're making next to no profit on these. We're only doing this because it's fun.
Q: When will the Butt Rogers be available?
A: Unfortunately, we are having trouble sourcing the glass piece for the raygun. Most glass toys are not long enough for our purposes and glass-blown toys are not uniform enough to be accurate size-wise for our purposes. If you know of a glass toy that you think might work for us, please let us know.
Q: Are your products hypo-allergenic?
A: Yes! All of our products are hypo-allergenic, phthalate free, latex free, and made of food-grade materials.
Q: Can your products be cleaned?
A: Yes! All of our rayguns are waterproof and can be disassembled for easy cleaning. To change the batteries or clean any aspect of your item, simply unscrew the two halves and wash with soap and water.
Q: Can you wash the rayguns in the dishwasher?
A: Theoretically, yes but we've never tried it, so we can't really recommend it.
Q: Can you turn my toy into a raygun?
A: Possibly. Send us a picture and we will let you know if it can be done.
Q: Do you wholesale?
A: Yes! Minimum orders and tax ID numbers are required.
Q: Where else can I buy your products?
A: In addition to our website, our products are currently available from Elastica Engineering in Toronto, ON, Passional Boutique in Philadelphia, PA (see our "Recommended Links" section), and at the occasional live show and convention. We hope to start wholesaling to other countries and companies very soon.
Q: What is your return policy?
A: If your product arrives in less than perfect condition, we will happily replace/exchange it free of charge. We do not accept exchanges on used items. If you do happen to wear out the motor on your Little Death Ray (congratulations!), we will be happy to sell you a replacement barrel.
Q: You didn't answer my question!
A: Please email us with any questions you have and we will be more than happy to answer them for you: littledeathray(at)gmail(dot)com.